Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
