I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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