my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
