Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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