She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
