Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
