why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
