I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
