State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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