you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
