Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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