I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
