Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
