I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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