I can't breathe out the right side of my face
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
