I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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