my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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