I'm really into asian looking animals
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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