i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
