this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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