no one should ever give us hovercrafts
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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