brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
