I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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