I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
