he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize