he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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