the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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