Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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