seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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