her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize