Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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