I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
