If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we're so committed to being not committed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
