You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
