I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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