I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
