i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
