Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
