Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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