perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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