Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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