So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
