I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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