so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
