It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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