Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
