id be glad to
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
