thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
