R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
