i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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