Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
