it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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