so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
