Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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