What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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