I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
