Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
