Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
