no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
