she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how drunk are you?
Several
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
