She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
