Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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