I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
