I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
