Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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