pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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