Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
