When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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