If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am available for nakedness
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
