i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
