..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize