Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
