Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
