Don't make out with my wife yet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
