Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize