Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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