I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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