I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
