I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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