you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
