Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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